| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nachlader // fett |
] |
soooo...i hate beginnings. of letters, of entries, of anything.
the germans seem to be pretty nice, i havent seen too much of them yet. fact is that they are huuuuuuuge (huge in like tall), have really really deep voices and one of them is right handsome ;) im not sure if they know im german, the neighbour might have given it away, but they dont ask any questions, so there've only been a couple of stupid awkward moments. fine with me.
its only 18 days to go and i cant eat anymore already. ive had my first small breakdown yesterday and am feeling sick all the time. tell me just how pathetic i am! til yesterday i didnt actually realize whats going to happen, it's been like "oh no. just ... days to go" but it didn't really mean anything. now i've started to picture myself in everyday situations in germany, and it makes me feel...physically sick. thats just how pathetic i am.
plus, there's some more problems with my parents. apparently their relationship has become even worse. which means a lot. since i was 12 i've been consciously aware of that theres something wrong with them, all that pointless arguing, screaming and crying. all them stupid empty threats like "im moving out" blabla. people didnt seem to take it too serios, and it only affected me, for im the youngest one and all. but now my sister started to worry about it aswell, so it has become a lot worse. she's so naive and thinks our family is perfectly fine and normal...unbelievable, if u ask me. well...i dont think they will split up though, cos they dont have the guts, and one of them couldnt afford the house on their own. so they'll just stay together and hate each other, until one of them kills someone. yep.
however, i think (and have thought quite a long time) that it would be so much better if they split up. for them and for everybody, the situation at home is just horrific. now that my sister and brother have both moved out im gonna be the only child at home, hurray. and i've had a year without any arguing (if u dont count the arguments with my parents on the phone, that is).
merry things to look forward to.
im going to brighton tomorrow, visit the ische number 1.
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
debandade's journal
sad
ill
drunk
indescribable
desperate
restless